Helping Parents Guide Their Children Through the Back-to-School Scaries by Tuning into Themselves
The leaves are slowly changing colour while the feeling in the air seems to have shifted overnight. Back to school. Whether or not you have kids heading into a classroom, you may catch a bit of this collective energy. It is an interesting time of year (as all seasonal shifts are) to self-reflect and simply notice what may be coming up for you.
For the parents I work with, this time of year often brings a spike of anxiety around the unknowns of how the new school year will unfold. This highlights a delicate parenting tension: balancing the need to advocate for structural support or accommodations your child may not yet have the maturity to request, versus building resilience by allowing them to experience manageable discomfort and navigate situations that aren't their absolute preference.
From a mindfulness-based counselling perspective, navigating this tension starts inward. Research on mindful parenting highlights how parental self-regulation and present-moment awareness can buffer against family stress, helping parents respond rather than react to daily uncertainties (Bögels et al., 2010; Duncan et al., 2009).
When we are faced with partial unknowns, mindfulness encourages us to practice decentering. This means observing our anxious thoughts ("What if this year is a disaster?") as mental events rather than absolute truths.
As a fellow parent, I deeply understand the drive to protect our kids. Yet, a core tenet of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is reducing experiential avoidance, which is the urge to run away from or instantly fix discomfort (Hayes et al., 2012). In practice, this looks like pausing to watch your own anxious feelings arise when faced with unknowns or parking-lot horror stories, and intentionally sitting with the possibility that your child's experience might look entirely different from your worries.
By taking a balanced, open-minded approach, we stay curious rather than catastrophizing. We learn to anchor ourselves in the present moment, knowing that we can mindfully witness our kids building their own resilience, while stepping in to advocate whenever real support is truly needed.
Take a Deeper Dive into the Research....
Mindful Parenting & Emotional Regulation: Studies show that cultivating mindfulness in parents improves emotional availability and reduces parental stress, allowing children to co-regulate more effectively (Bögels, S. M., et al., 2010. Mindfulness in parenting: Effects on child behavior problems and parental stress. Prevention Science).
Parental Stress & Presence: Duncan, L. G., et al. (2009) explored how mindful parenting interventions decrease reactivity and enhance the capacity to stay present with children's developmental challenges (Parenting: Science and Practice).
Experiential Avoidance & Acceptance: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) frameworks (Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G., 2012) emphasize that trying to engineer a frictionless, pain-free environment for children often heightens anxiety, whereas teaching psychological flexibility and tolerance for discomfort fosters true long-term resilience.
Support is Nearby
At Peak Experience Counselling, we have several counsellors with training and experience to help support parents and children with the back-to-school transition. We can help you to tune into your stress and anxiety around this time of year and create a plan to support your child with their stress and anxiety. We can also support your child by giving them some resources to build strength and resilience when you aren't there with them, so that they can
begin to feel proud of themselves and build confidence to know they can do hard things.
About the Author
Sophie Leevers is a Registered Clinical Counsellor in Squamish, BC. She works with adults, couples, children (10+) and youth. Sophie has many years of experience in teaching yoga as well as working in public schools. Over time, her career has evolved towards counselling as she is passionate and dedicated to supporting individuals through life's challenges. As a counsellor, she draws from several modalities, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Attachment-based models of practice.
