Grief and Loss: Coping with Isolation and Finding Support in Grief
After suffering loss, are you feeling disconnected and alone? Feeling like, after a certain time, other people expect you to “move on” or “get over it”? Do you feel like you should be getting back to “normal”, but can’t help but feel that “normal” is out of reach?
If you feel this way, you are not alone. In 2023, the Canadian Grief Alliance found that 50% of those experiencing grief in Canada did not feel sufficiently supported. Additionally, 53% expressed that their grief was not adequately recognized in our society.
Grief and Loss Can Show up in Different Ways
When people think of grief, it is common to think of death and dying. And, yes, dealing with the death of a friend, loved one, or significant other can be incredibly hard. But grief can show up in other types of loss that could include:
Separation and divorce
Loss of a friendship or pet
Job loss
Miscarriage/abortion/infertility
Life transitions
Loss of an identity (example of becoming an empty nester)
illness
Impacts of Grief and Loss
Often in our society, grief and loss is not recognized, or, if they are, only for a short period. When our pain of loss is not recognized, acknowledged, or validated, many feelings can arise. If this has happened to you, you may feel:
lonely or disconnected
guilt for shame for not “moving on”
anger
confusion about what the grieving process is
numb
What do I do if I’m struggling with grief and loss? How do I get over Grief?
Understanding that a person does not “get over” or “move on” from a major loss is important. Grief changes things, and the griever is left to learn how to integrate and adapt to the new way of being. This video gives further detail:
“You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
With this understanding, you can still take steps to support yourself through the grieving process. Some supportive actions could be:
making time and space to feel your feelings and allowing the waves of grief to rise and fall as needed
taking care of your physical self in a way that works best for you (exercise, time in nature, nourishing food)
confiding and connecting with trusted and supportive friends and family
reaching out for professional support from a counsellor or a support group
Why do I Feel Physically Unwell Since Experiencing Loss?
It is common for some people to experience physical symptoms of grief and loss. These could include brain fog, heaviness in the chest or body, and fatigue. Although these symptoms are not unusual for those experiencing grief, it is important to contact your doctor to rule out any biological issues that need to be addressed.
If you are struggling with grief and are unsure of how to get help, reach out to a counsellor. The Canadian Grief Alliance survey reported that 83% of grieving individuals had the desire to talk about their experience, even though they felt it was socially unacceptable. The act of expressing yourself and giving yourself the opportunity to mourn with a safe, non-judgmental, and compassionate individual can be very healing.
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About the author
Kelly McLaren is a clinical counsellor registered with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC). Kelly works with those who are navigating all types of grief and loss, as well as individuals experiencing relationship challenges. She works from a client-centred approach that brings openness, acceptance, and compassion to her work. To learn more about Kelly, please visit her website at https://www.kellymclarencounselling.ca/
